Crazy thoughts weigh me down. Held onto tightly inside my mind. Such a hold, how can the grip be weakened? Why is it that I care so much about stupid shit? I worry my self sick. Am I the only one that’s like this? Over analyzing and the “what ifs” are eating away at me. It’s ridiculous, but I can’t let go.
Why can’t I follow my own advice? I can give anyone else a pep talk. It tears and rips me apart. Shredding my heart into tiny pieces. If I could let it go I would be free from pain. Walk away…say good bye…can I? Am I strong enough? Why keep coming back for more? Why? What’s the benefit for you? Your mental state is making you sick. Sleep is limited, you cry more then you used too. Do the good parts outweigh the bad?
You open up and talk about it. You think things will be better…you have a good day, emotional yes, but it’s a good day! Take it and hold it tight, riding the high. Then what…are words empty and meaningless? Actions have a way of drowning out your words. The silence is deafening. Deeper then the first low, each time they are always worse. You tell yourself, this time it’ll be different…right? Barely holding on to hope. Fingers are white as you try to hold on. Why are you so blue? You’re the cheerful, happy, go-lucky, positive person. You are these things…so why let the negative feelings make you a prisoner?
You ARE stronger then this. It’s so ridiculous…in the grand scheme of things, it truly is. You have a home, a job, family, friends, and your health…then why? Appreciate the things you have. Don’t focus on the things you don’t. We only get one life. How you view, approach, deal, respond to this life is what defines you. Do you want to fester in self doubt…wallow in self pity? So many others out there are worse off then you are. One word to focus on…gratitude. Get back to living, don’t sit around waiting! Go out, take action…be the change in YOUR life.
*deep breaths, in and out*
Take a leap….
Ramblings of a girl named Kat xo