Madness…a conversation with Kat

Crazy thoughts weigh me down. Held onto tightly inside my mind. Such a hold, how can the grip be weakened? Why is it that I care so much about stupid shit? I worry my self sick. Am I the only one that’s like this? Over analyzing and the “what ifs” are eating away at me. It’s ridiculous, but I can’t let go.
Why can’t I follow my own advice? I can give anyone else a pep talk. It tears and rips me apart. Shredding my heart into tiny pieces. If I could let it go I would be free from pain. Walk away…say good bye…can I? Am I strong enough? Why keep coming back for more? Why? What’s the benefit for you? Your mental state is making you sick. Sleep is limited, you cry more then you used too. Do the good parts outweigh the bad?
You open up and talk about it. You think things will be better…you have a good day, emotional yes, but it’s a good day! Take it and hold it tight, riding the high. Then what…are words empty and meaningless? Actions have a way of drowning out your words. The silence is deafening. Deeper then the first low, each time they are always worse. You tell yourself, this time it’ll be different…right? Barely holding on to hope. Fingers are white as you try to hold on. Why are you so blue? You’re the cheerful, happy, go-lucky, positive person. You are these things…so why let the negative feelings make you a prisoner?
You ARE stronger then this. It’s so ridiculous…in the grand scheme of things, it truly is. You have a home, a job, family, friends, and your health…then why? Appreciate the things you have. Don’t focus on the things you don’t. We only get one life. How you view, approach, deal, respond to this life is what defines you. Do you want to fester in self doubt…wallow in self pity? So many others out there are worse off then you are. One word to focus on…gratitude. Get back to living, don’t sit around waiting! Go out, take action…be the change in YOUR life.

*deep breaths, in and out*

Take a leap….

Ramblings of a girl named Kat xo

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8 thoughts on “Madness…a conversation with Kat

  1. Very, very well said. You are a great writer and you literally took the words right out of my mouth. I have trouble, sometimes, verbalizing how I feel and what I’m thinking. I’m the girl in the corner. Thank you.

    1. Hi Bre! Thanks for your kind words! Sometimes just writing down your thoughts can help you move forward in the right direction. If nothing else it helps me let go of some things that eat at me. Not all, but some. In that there is slight relief. I’ve been the girl in the corner also…time to step away! Only way you can and that’s one foot in front of the other! xo Kat

      1. Thanks for the reply. Working on it, easier said than done. My one foot is currently behind a keyboard, but its a start. Pretty soon I will be able to say what’s on my mind face to face. Your words are encouraging.

  2. Hey my sweet girl xox Your not the only one who feels these things!!! And I too find it easier to help others than myself! You care because your a beautiful soul my friend…plain and simple! We are our own hardest critics in life….and no words are not meaningless (reading helps me through these moments, enriches and soothes me). Waking up each day is a new day of beginnings, hope and believing is all we have some days….that’s life unfortunately for all of us in this same game of life! We all have the outer and inner sides. Just try to be gentle with yourself when the negative creeps in – breathing in and out then trying to moving on is good 🙂

    Your writing is very good, thank-you for sharing xox

    1. Hi Deb, thank you very much for your kind words. It does help to write things down and get them out. I try to live each day with a positive outlook, but sometimes we have bad days, bad weeks even. Each day the hope is to start fresh, make different choices or the best choices I can. Live and learn and grow! Thanks for reading my ramblings! xo Kat

  3. Awesome my sister!! I know exactly where you are coming from and damn I need to do the same thing. We have talked about this a lot lately and you know you are doing the right thing for you and your life. I need to make the step in the right direction. Love you my #twittertwin!! xoxoxo

    1. I love you #twittertwin! It’s hard…it seems like it’s two steps forward and three steps back sometimes! We both have made progress and continue to do so! Writing helps and so I hope there is much more writing ahead in our future! I love you too! Cheers to our support system! xoxo

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